The appointment to see the Nephrologist came around quickly. It was to discuss the results and make an action plan for treatment. On the train to the appointment, I already had a plan in mind to do whatever I could to preserve whatever function I had left, and do whatever it took to keep it that way. The Doctor was calm and friendly and instead of saying, "Naomi, you need to change your diet and take your medication", his response was "WE NEED TO PREPARE YOU FOR TRANSPLANT, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!" He went on to tell me it was imperative I tell family, so they could be tested for a possible match as a matter of urgency. Initially, I didn't feel any qualms about telling family, I thought and felt they loved and cared for me enough to want to know and help me in my time of need. You see, I come from a large Caribbean family; 4 siblings (including my twin brother), 7 aunts, 2 uncles and 15+ first cousins and many many second cousins. So as I say, a very large family!

I posted a message in the Whatsapp Family Group. It went something along the lines of:
The responses I received both in the group and 1-2-1 were at best lukewarm - if at all. As the days passed there were no phone calls, texts or any real communication to ask how I was feeling or getting on. I can't even begin to describe the disappointment and heartache I felt due to the lack of support, comfort and concern for my health or my life.

The news did, however, reach my sister who promptly told me there is no way she's getting tested and wished me luck!
The relationship with my sister is a difficult one, and honestly, I didn't expect much from her, just probably not the cold bluntness I'd received... Family, I'm sure they have their reasons.

I've always realised/respected Organ Donation is a choice. A candidate has to step forward willingly, they can't and shouldn't be forced to do so. I'd be lying if I said these days didn't challenge my long-held feelings towards "family". Imagine going from feeling as though you're a part of something big - a sense of belonging as it were - to feeling all alone in the space of a few short days.

All that said, the idea of 'family' and 'love' has taken on a different meaning following this ordeal. Now, family for me means individuals in my life who are willing to go through the good times and the bad with me, for me. Family to me was now my 2 children. They would always be my reason for getting up in the morning. My thoughts turned to breaking the news with them. The thought of telling them the news filled my heart with dread. Would they understand? How would it affect them emotionally?
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When I arrived home from the hospital, I called the children to come and sit down so we could talk.
They're both old enough to understand 19 (Son) and 13 (Daughter), they've witnessed my health ups and downs over the past few years. However, my illness now had a name.
They gave each other the look siblings give when they think they're in trouble - trying to figure what's wrong and who's going to take the blame for it! This made me smile and helped calm my nerves inside.

With my kids there really is no sugar coating anything, being honest is very important. We're a close family unit the three of us. My children know, if something is wrong, they can come to me and together we'll deal with it. Today was no different, I needed to be strong for my children and deep down I needed them to be strong for me. My Son's response was, "I'm ready to help you mum, I'll do it, I want you to be well and live a long time". My daughter just burst into tears, which set me off too. I did my best to comfort her - we both did. It was a difficult time for all of us.

Earlier that week - before getting the results - I'd planned to meet a very good friend for lunch in Camden. Our rendez-vous fell on my birthday, I toyed with the idea of mentioning my illness. I even contemplated cancelling the lunch altogether. On the one hand, I wanted to stay home, lock myself away, just stay in bed and feel sorry for myself, take the time to come to terms with everything, it had only been a few short days since my last appointment. On the other hand, I wanted to get out, focus on someone else, their news, their updates. Switch off from what I was having to deal with. It was my birthday after all!

I decided not to cancel, over lunch, the conversation was light and warm, catching up on what's been going on since we last saw each other. After plucking up the courage, I somehow managed to casually drop into the conversation the fact I had kidney failure and needed a transplant. It took him a few minutes to absorb what I'd said. We sat in silence, the outpouring of emotion through quiet tears filled our space.

You can drop me a message either via Twitter @Naomi_My_Story or HERE I love reading all of your messages of encouragement.
If you are moved by my story and want to get more involved, please consider doing one of the following two things:

1. Registering to become an Organ Donor here: https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/ if you do, be sure to let me know!
New registrations give me a boost!

2. If you want to help me directly by being tested to see if you could donate, you will need to be aware of the following:
  • Firstly, I am BLOOD TYPE O-NEGATIVE it's important you know this in advance to be considered for a possible direct donation.
    Failing that, an indirect donation is still a possibility. Please still get in touch using the below...
  • Secondly, please complete THIS FORM and someone will get back to you to move things forward.

AGAIN, THANK YOU!