Second post of the day... (28th November)

Today has been the worst day of my life. I just wish I could erase everything I've seen and heard today from my memory.

What I thought would be a positive day, hasn't turned out that way.

Dialysis isn't a treatment I want for myself and my mind is steering towards not accepting it at all.
During the dialysis seminar, I was shown the Peritoneal Dialysis equipment, the boxes of dialysis fluids to having a catheter permanently attached to my body... treatment is every single day. I know life is precious but this way isn't having a life and I'm already struggling and battling with the one I'm living.

I believe things just got real for my friend too, I can't help but worry about the impact donating his kidney to me will have on him IF he is a match.

When you care about someone you don't want to see them suffer pain because of you. I am thankful for his courage to step forward and giving his time and energy to help me but I also don't want him to regret it all either.

I'm beginning to understand why patients say "no more" and donors "back out" or are "unwilling to donate". The process is long and drawn out, of course, safety and checks need to be made. However, it is also a massive decision and the fear is powerful. This kidney failure road isn't something I would wish on anyone. Today has been the loneliest day so far, drowning in these thoughts of mine. Right now i just want the world to stop spinning so I can get off.

This private Whatsapp message with my Son today shows me I need to be stronger. I thought I was hiding things so well...



Love my son. ❤

Why have I chosen to show this message? Because our children never miss a beat, the attitudes and feeling we show impacts on them positively or negatively.
Thankfully my son and I can have a conversation.

I feel like I've been hit by a train today. The motivation and willpower I've been trying to build on has deserted me. I feel worn out.

So, for now, one day at a time.

You can drop me a message either via Twitter @Naomi_My_Story or HERE I love reading all of your messages of encouragement.
If you are moved by my story and want to get more involved, please consider doing one of the following two things:

1. Registering to become an Organ Donor here: https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/ if you do, be sure to let me know!
New registrations give me a boost!

2. If you want to help me directly by being tested to see if you could donate, you will need to be aware of the following:
  • Firstly, I am BLOOD TYPE O-NEGATIVE it's important you know this in advance to be considered for a possible direct donation.
    Failing that, an indirect donation is still a possibility. Please still get in touch using the below...
  • Secondly, please complete THIS FORM and someone will get back to you to move things forward.

AGAIN, THANK YOU!